Is someone you know suffering?

There are many reasons why a person does not leave an abusive relationship. As a friend or family member it is important for us to understand this:

they may still love and care about their partner. Some people want the relationship to continue but the abuse to stop
they may feel ashamed about the abuse and may believe that it is their fault
they may be too worried about what the future holds:
- where they will live
- what they will do for money
- whether they will have to hide forever
- whether they will be found
they may not know who to go to or who to trust to help them to leave
as a result of the abuse they may not have enough self confidence and self esteem to make any decisions
they may believe that for the sake of the children it is better to stay in the relationship
they may have become isolated from friends and family and have no way of asking for help
they may not have any money.

What can you do to help?

listen without interrupting and try not to given an opinion
do not try and take control of the situation, ask what they want to do
understand if they decide that this is not the time for them to do anything. When they feel strong enough they will
try not to become frustrated if they leave the relationship and go back soon after. Research has shown that on average it takes a woman 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship.

The best way to leave an abusive relationship is to make a plan to leave. If a plan is made and carried through the chances of getting away safely is increased. You can help them with a safety/action plan. View the safety/action plan for more information on leaving an abusive relationship.

They may:

feel scared, confused, and guilty believing that arguments and abuse is taking place because of them
be destructive towards their toys and other property
be tearful
display anger and become violent towards their family members and friends
become withdrawn, lose their self confidence and their self esteem
lose their concentration at school, have poor levels of achievement and be seen to display/express difficult behaviour
refuse to go to school because they want to “keep an eye on” what is happening at home. This is because they feel a responsibility to protect the parent who is being abused
isolate themselves from friends because they are trying to protect the ‘secrets’ at home
be harmed whilst trying to protect another family member

and in some cases may:

develop stress-related illnesses, such as bed wetting, skin disorders and eating problems
turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of escaping their feelings
self harm such as cutting, burning themselves and pulling their hair out
run away from home
commit or attempt to commit suicide.

Last updated: 09/03/2021 14:00